Tag: St. Matthew’s Cathedral

10 years on…

Ten years ago today, I preached my last sermon at St. Matthew’s Cathedral, Brandon, handed my keys back to the churchwardens, enjoyed a lovely lunch and party with the parish, and then walked away from more than a quarter-century of full-time ordained ministry. The memory of that day has dimmed a bit, but I do remember some feelings — a strange mixture of joy, relief, sadness, and some anxiety and fear.

The years since then have been a whole other adventure, as I became used to being one of those people who are paid not to work, otherwise known as the retired. I have learned to enjoy having the time to do just what I want to do — and also not do what I don’t want to do. A friend said a few years ago “I thought you were retired. You always seem so busy.” “True,” I said, “but I’m as busy as I want to be.” In stipendiary ministry, the busyness of life comes from external, job-related pressures. In retirement, any busyness is my choice. In this time, I have taken on various commitments voluntarily, and have enjoyed working at most of them. Things which no longer gave pleasure could easily be walked away from, as I have done a couple of times.

I have fewer commitments now than I did five years ago, but they are all things that give me life, keeping my mind and body active and engaged. Health considerations aside, life is pretty good as I mark this anniversary, and face a milestone birthday in a couple of weeks.

But those feelings…

There was joy, especially in the way the congregation expressed their gratitude for my ten and a half years among them. Parting can be sorrowful, but in this case it was sweet sorrow. I left knowing that my work had been mostly well received, and I could walk out with head held high.

There was relief, because most of the pressures I had felt in that position, especially in my final year, were being taken away. I could hand off the problems to someone else!

There was sadness, because we were moving far enough away to make continued relationships with many people I had come to treasure very difficult to maintain. This was the sorrowful aspect of parting.

There was anxiety and fear, because I was moving into a wholly new phase of my life, and I was quite unsure about how that would work out. I’m not a person who deals well with surprises, so we had made reasonable plans, but I was well aware that these plans could come unstuck in the twinkling of an eye.

But over-riding all of that was the sense that I had followed God’s call to that place, striven to serve to the best of my abilities there, and was now following God’s call to a new place.

I haven’t achieved most of the projects I had envisioned for retirement, but that doesn’t matter. I am still trying to follow the call day by day in this adventure we call life. As it has been said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”

And now onward, to wherever God may lead.

Home? And home again.

 

My spouse and I went back to Brandon this past weekend for the first time since I retired last June. It was a very quick trip, squeezed in between commitments here in Edmonton, but it was not a short trip. Our total road time was over 25 hours, somewhat  inflated by poor weather in Saskatchewan on Monday morning.

JourneyThe purpose of the trip was to attend a wedding. The bride had joined the choir as a choral scholar at St. Matthew’s Cathedral three years ago, becoming in time not just a paid singer but an active congregant. Her fiance came with her in the second year. It was a joy to be asked to celebrate their marriage with them and old friends.

On the Sunday morning, we decided that we had to go to church at St. Matthew’s. There is something of an unwritten rule that departed clergy should steer clear of the previous place for a while, but we really wanted to see some people. Besides, the parish is still between rectors, so I was hardly stepping on the toes of my successor.

I left a happy, healthy parish, and I found that not much had changed. A few people had left, but there were also a number of fresh faces in the pews, along with (hallelujah!) a substantial contingent of children. Most things were much the same, with a few things now done a bit differently, but the folks we talked to were still the same great people whom we had come to love over our 10½ years there.

DSCN0165A big difference for me was sitting in the congregation for a Sunday for the first time ever, realizing just how long a building it is, and how far away is the celebrant at the Eucharist. It might have helped my ministry there if I’d taken some time to sit in the pews — but that’s history now. That parish was home for a decade, and the people there still hold a big piece of my heart. Nonetheless, it is clear that we have moved, both physically and spiritually. Holy Trinity is becoming home, for which we are very glad.

Some people wanted to discuss parish issues with me, but I was quite able to say, “That’s not my problem.” That ended the discussion, but not the conversation. The relationship is different now — simply as friends, not as pastor and congregant. For at least one person, that seemed to be a relief! And indeed, it is a bit of a relief for me too, because I don’t have to be “on,” as clergy always have to be in public. Today I can go to coffee time after worship and see the stipendiary clergy having serious conversations with various people, and I can think, “That used to be me,” and then I can smile.

We went to our previous home, and then we came home again.